So, where do I start? I swear I’m the poster child for living a decent life. I grew up doing what I was told, and rarely got in trouble. I stayed away from boys until I got to college. Plus, my parents didn’t play that. I always did well academically; it was always A’s and B’s and those two times I got straight A’s. I played sports my entire life until high school. Why until high school? My family moved to a different city, and I found new interests.
Let’s be real…I wasn’t that great & new interests were needed. But anyways… I even ended each week attending church. Let’s not forget! Me and my sisters were always signed up for every church activity. It felt like torture then, but I’m grateful now. Anytime I’m having problems, I remember scriptures to help me. I may not remember the specific book or who said them, but I know it’s in there.
Decent life right? It looks that way, but I rarely shared my struggles with people. I kept everything tucked away out of fear of not being a burden to people and being vulnerable was definitely not on my agenda. Oh and not to be in daily gossip…Who wants to be the topic of that? I truly hated people discussing me, good or bad. How did I even have friends? Well, I mastered listening. People love to talk about themselves.
My life always had me isolated. I grew up barely talking. Literally, there are pictures of me with my lips balled up and arms crossed, because I refused to communicate. I was the kid my mom yelled at for not speaking when walking into a room. We live in the South, and it’s a requirement.
After sporting events, I briefly chatted with teammates and left while they were still celebrating. Not entertaining boys to any degree allotted me one male friend in high school. So prom, I attended solo dolo. No one asked me, and I never told a soul.
I truly believed that by not making a fuss of things would keep things smooth sailing in my life. I mean, I was a decent person. I always tried to be thoughtful, helpful, and encouraging to my friends and family. I showed up for others much more than I did for myself. I gave my little and last quite often. However, my 20-something struggle proved otherwise. I recently found myself begging someone to stay in my life…Yea don’t do that. I’m also a recent college graduate not doing what I enjoy full time. I hate social media for this reason. We all know it’s your highlight reel but sheesh! Why doesn’t it feel that way? I truly feel judged at times for not being or doing enough right now.
I’m not beyond my past by a long shot but I’ve come to understand that you can’t keep everything to yourself. Testimony is a powerful thing and this life you’re living is not your own. I can only imagine the lives I could have impacted by telling my story (i.e. Prom). My parents and people asked me why I didn’t have a date like caring people do, but I didn’t tell them. Who really wants to hear their daughter wasn’t asked?
You’d be surprised the things people are struggling with. The world isn’t always so kind and not sharing can mean you never let go of those horrible life events or learn much needed lessons. Not to mention other people who think they are alone in their struggles. It’s always good to know you have someone in the fight with you. So I’m letting all this go, because I’m desperate for better and can’t wait to see what’s next.
Until Next Time!